Tuesday, July 29, 2014

Anniversaries Aren't Always Good.

    I'm currently waiting for this cycle to end. I had a promising chart this month, very promising, but I can feel that the end is near and it's hitting me harder than I thought. After 27 cycles you learn the signs and know when to stop getting your hopes up. 
The end of this month marks 2 years. 
Yes, many have tried much longer than I, but it still hurts. Sadly, this pain can't be cured by ice cream and wine, even though I try every month. 


    I don't know what we're going to do. We've met with some friends who are adopting to get some first hand information and discuss fears and apprehensions. 
 My follow up appointment to discuss test results and treatment plans is on Monday.
 My birthday.

    A positive pregnancy test would have been a really nice birthday present. The last two birthdays have had a cloud over them. If I had known that it was going to take this long and be this hard, I never would have started trying for a family the same month as my birthday.


    It's also been exactly 1 year and 11 days since my miscarriage.

Time for more ice cream.

    I haven't been good about talking to God about the pain. I don't know why I'm not, I really don't struggle with bitterness towards Him
. Yes, I often wonder why terrible people have children, while deserving ones go through the silent struggle of loss and infertility. It would be strange not to. But I don't blame Him for my loss, and I don't blame Him for my infertility. He grieves with me, I know.


   I will still trust You.

    

5 comments:

  1. Huge ((hugs)) Macy. I'm so sorry that you have to go through this. If you ever need to talk about anything, IF, IF treatments, or adoption, you know where to find me!

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  2. Praying for you and hubby! I know this is so hard for you, and so many people don't understand why it is so hard for you. Praying that you have a great and comfort on Monday, especially for a wonderful birthday. Love you!

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  3. That was supposed to say *peace and comfort. Hehe.

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  4. Thank you so much guys. <3 I love you both very much!

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  5. Don’t think of anything else just contact priest eka and purchase some of his herbal medication and your depression will go away. This was my state of mind when my doctor told me that i will not be able to concieve due to the Fibroid that was rolling in my family life and when i decide to reach out to the priest, and the priest told me what to do in other to get the medication. Eventually I receive all the Herbal medications that cure my Fibroid and give me the chance to become a proud mother: Eka is a great spiritualist, He did it for me, you can contact Eka on (dreka14demons@gmail.com). If you are suffering from the following gynecology disease::
    1. Fibroid, Asthma, All STD, sinus infection
    2.High Blood Pressure (herbs to reduce your BP within 7days)
    3. Infection, regular body pains (yeast infection),urine tract infection.
    4. Blockage from the fallopian Tube
    5. Cyst from the ovaries
    6. Unpleasant smell from the virginal, virginal itching
    7. Irregular menstruation
    8. Weakness of the penis (not able to have sex with your partner or inability to satisfy your partner sexually)
    9. Watering sperm (low sperm count) not able to get woman pregnant.
    10. Infertility for easy Conception.......
    11. Skin diseases, Toilet infection and bad body odor…….Etc..
    Simply contact the spiritualist DrEka on (dreka14demons@gmail.com) to get his Herbal Medication to cure your disease and put yourself on a motherhood side of life..

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