Just Keep Holding On

In my post, Oceans, I wrote about the power of song. When I'm having a horrible day, I can hear a song that makes me feel a little less alone. Sometimes it doesn't make me feel much better, but it just speaks to me, verbalizing everything I feel and can't express. 

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All the signs of life
They’re all around me with every heartbeat
I feel so alive,
I am joy and sadness,
Peace and madness
If only I can fight just a little longer
I know It’s gonna make me stronger


I just keep holding on to what I believe
Oh, I believe in you
Give me the strength to fight
And the heart to believe
When it’s hard to believe in you


Oh and these are the times when doubt’s tryin’ to creep in
And I need a reason that’s larger than life when hope seems hard to find
If only I can fight just a little longer
I know it’s gonna make me stronger


So I just keep holding on to what I believe
Oh, I believe in you
Give me the strength to fight
And a heart to believe
When it’s hard to believe
I’ll just keep holding on, holding on, holding on
Give me the strength to fight
And the heart to believe
When it’s hard to believe in you
Oh oh oh oh oh
When it’s hard to believe in you
Oh oh oh oh oh
Oh, I wanna believe

If only I can fight just a little longer
I know I’ll be stronger


So I’ll just keep holding on, holding on, holding on
I’ll just keep holding on, holding on
I’ll just keep holding on to what I believe
Oh, I believe in you
Give me the strength for the fight
And the heart to believe
Cause I’ve got to believe
I’ll just keep holding on, holding on, holding on
Give me strength for the fight
And the heart to believe
'Cause I’ve got to believe in you
Oh oh oh oh oh
Yeah I’ve got to believe in you
Oh oh oh oh oh
Oh, yeah I feel so alive.

"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."

Isaiah 41:10 

Testing | The HSG

It's been one of the crappiest weeks I think I've ever had in my entire life. This is my excuse for posting an update so late and I'm sticking to it.

My HSG wasn't too bad. Well...ok, it was bad. It was pretty painful at first, but the pain only lasted for about a minute and then was over. I had some cramping for about three days, and they were annoying, but nothing any girl who's hit puberty hasn't had to deal with before. The dye didn't hurt at all, which is the part that I had been warned about. Anyway, the strangest thing was being able to feel the dye filling up my uterus, it didn't hurt but it kind of freaked me out. The test didn't take long at all, which was almost disappointing considering that I was in the waiting room for over 2 hours.

And that's why you bring a book. 

(I highly recommend this book by they way.)

Moving on . . . once I got in, the procedure only took about 8 minutes. We saw that my fallopian tubes are clear and my uterus looked normal, then we were done. Pretty straightforward.

I'm waiting to hear back from the doctor for my results from my HSG, as well as the tests that I had last week. She's based out of a town about 3 hours away, and only comes to my hospital once every two weeks. It's hard to wait for answers, but I'm glad that there's an RE here at least some of the time, or else I would have to drive 3 for one test!
Now we are just waiting on getting the rest our tests completed and getting a diagnoses and treatment plan in place.

"Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer."

Romans 12:12

Testing | The Plan and The 'Easy Stuff'

    Our first appointment with our RE went well. I wasn't blown away by my doctor, but she seems competent and was very nice (she's also the only one within 200 miles...). She answered all of our questions, we went over family and personal history, discussed medications and tests, and here we are! My first two tests were last Thursday (ultrasound, cycle day 3 bloodwork), and my HSG is....tomorrow!

    My ultrasound wasn't too bad, just a little uncomfortable, but the tech was great and there wasn't any pain. She even laughed at my lame "you really should buy me dinner first" joke.
    I'm getting pretty nervous about my HSG. It's uncomfortable for most people, painful for some, and then others hardly feel a thing. Hopefully I'm the latter. I'm still going to take my prescribed 800 milligrams of Ibuprofen, though.

    Part of me wants them to find something (that's easily fixable, of course), but part of me doesn't. At least if they find something, they know what to fix, but if they don't, well, I'm still not pregnant, so they'll have to just try different things and hope they work.

    If we are diagnosed with unexplained infertility, our recommended plan of action is to take Femera (helps ovulation), an HCG trigger to control when I ovulate, and an IUI (intro-uterine insemination). It won't be as expensive as IVF, but it's still not going to be much fun.

    What the heck. Making babies is supposed to be 'fun', people! I'm a little bitter (and unapologetic) here.

    Ok, moving on...

    Anyway...the worst thing right now is that the antibiotics they have me on (to protect from infection during my HSG) are making me feel like crap. Headaches and nausea and just UGH. So if this post is a little hard to follow and painful to read, I blame the meds.

   That's about it...so I guess next time I check in I will have a nice photo of my ute.