Wednesday, May 30, 2018

It Is Well | loss, grief, and growing our family

     I'm not really sure where to start. I don't feel my usual 'writing inspiration' before writing an update or an announcement. So I suppose I'll just cover the last 6 months and go from there.
      Last summer Tyler and I decided we were ready to add to our family and do another round of IVF. We made all the appointments, had all the tests, and injected all the drugs. On November 1, 2017 we transferred two sweet babies and brought them home. The whole experience was a huge roller coaster, but we were hopeful and prayed and planned. But our babies, like so many before them, didn't make it. We were devastated. We grieved and had continued hope for the two embryos who were frozen and waiting for us.

      We prepared for my FET (frozen embryo transfer), our first ever. It was so much easier than a fresh round of IVF. Our spirits were high and we felt so much joy and anticipation. We entered into this transfer feeling hopeful it would work. We even saw a rainbow on the way to the transfer and smiled at the thought of our rainbow babies who would soon be home with us. 

      I won't go into details about those few weeks we had after our transfer, though please don't hesitate to ask us about them. We're happy to share with you, but to make a long story shorter, once again, our babies were gone. 

Devastation. Grief. Confusion. Anger. So many feelings. Feelings I can't even keep track of. 
      We spent the next several weeks grieving our babies and planning for our future. With time comes healing, but this is not a wound that ever closes. There will always be grief. It comes in waves, and it always will. 

     We miss our babies, however short they were with us, and we are also excited to continue to grow our family. After a lot of prayer and research and meetings, we decided that God was calling us to pursue a dream that I've had for as long as I can remember; adoption! 

      We are so very excited to be on this new road to growing our family and can't wait to share it with you all! We know that adoption can be so beautiful and we know that there can be a lot of deep grief involved with it, too. Even successful, "without a hitch", adoptions come from brokenness, and that fact is not at all lost to Tyler and me. Having a baby has never been easy for us (as is the case for many of you who are reading this, I know), and all the paper work and expenses seem oh so very normal. It's amazing to look back and see the ways that God has prepared us for this life over the course of our journey to parenthood. 

"We loved you before we knew you. Even when there was just a hope for you, we loved you."
      Through the course of our adoption, we will be fundraising through my art work. 100% of every house portrait, custom piece, pre-made print, and photoshoot will go towards bringing our baby home. I will include below a link to my photography pages and Etsy shop for you to browse and share. 
      Thank you so much for all your love, prayers, and support during these last few years. It means so much to us and we are so thankful for the people God has surrounded us with as we walk this road. 

Family photos by Jody Robinson at Moments by Jody